


"it's always an accident, isn't it?"

by zacefronspants



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Ficlet, Forgive Me, Lowercase, M/M, Unrequited Love, i angsted again, im so sorry, lowercase intended, other chatacters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 01:43:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7133441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zacefronspants/pseuds/zacefronspants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it’s an accident, steve telling bucky he loves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"it's always an accident, isn't it?"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lonelyjournalkeeper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyjournalkeeper/gifts).



> im sorry
> 
> also bucky's not homophobic, it's just steve's feelings aren't returned, i will go back and edit/add more to this at a later time

it’s an accident, steve telling bucky he loves him. he thinks it was because he had too many drinks, but he knows damn well he only had water and one coke that night because buck always buys him one when he gets to take a pretty girl home. and steve knows there’s nothin’ wrong with wanting to kiss boys and girls, his mom told him so. but the look on bucky’s face- the look of astonishment and near shame was one to make steve’s insides turn yellow.

so he tells a lie, “i had too much to drink, s'just a joke,” and it’s never talked about again. it’s put back into the corner of secrets that steve’s been keepin’ since he was thirteen and looked up mrs. johnson’s skirt. it’s buried so deep inside that he forgets it’s there, until bucky kisses a girl with too red lips and soft red hair. but he still never talks about it. doesn’t mention it. because it makes bucky guilty or sad, he’s never sure. so it’s nearly forgotten.

steve knows it wasn’t an accident, he tells the bartender one night. it was on purpose and he just blinks at him as he slurs it to him, “s'never an accident, i love that boy and it makes him sad,”

it’s nearly midnight when bucky picks steve up from the bar, and steve almost feels guilty for being so damn drunk and he almost says so, too. but instead he says, “s’not ever gonna be fair, buck,” and steve, the still sober part, knows he needs to shut up and thank bucky for picking him up, but he keeps on, “i don’t get why you look a’me like i’m gonna break because i think you hung the moon with your toenails,” and he feels bucky stiffen. but, liquid courage is a thing, so he drones on and steve’s gonna hate himself in the morning. bucky finally silences him with, “i know it’s ain’t fair, stevie,” and they both drop it. 

it stays dropped until bucky comes home and starts in on this pretty dame he met on the subway and, “gosh steve, she’s so headstrong,” and steve wonders, briefly, if he should move and get a cat named rat, but it’s smooshed because steve’s allergic to cats. steve lets bucky talk about the new girl because he likes hearing bucky talk and out slips, “gosh i love you,” and it’s so silent in that instant steve’s so sure he could run fast enough to his room before he had an attack. but, steve just says, “it was an accident.” 

steve quickly waves off the slip up and it’s shoved haphazardly into the box of secrets in his mind and it stays there for a bit longer. 

it stays there until it can’t anymore and he looks bucky dead in the soft blue eyes and says, “if i could make myself not love you, i’d do it so fucking fast,” he’s crying, and bucky looks like a deer in headlights when he says, “i thought-, i thought putting my feelings into that box where i keep all my secrets would work, but buck, it’s not, it can’t,” he’s sobbing now. “i can’t not look at you and wonder if your lips really do taste like cherries, like gerogia lou said they did,” steve’s not sure who is crying louder, him, or the baby three flights up, but he’s crying and bucky looks sick. 

“i am so sorry i fell in love with you,” steve says so softly, that it’s basically silent in the apartment kitchen. steve can’t help himself, he kisses bucky so softly it’s a ghost of a kiss and says, “she was wrong, you taste like salt and caramel,” 

it was an accident, but maybe it wasn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> again i am so sorry


End file.
